Facing or postponing, is there an option?

24-09-14

As soon as I wrote last post entry I begin to experience two sensations that have been dancing with me since then.

For one I felt completely satisfied with my roadmap, excited to have all those projects ahead of me, and I felt eager to begin surfing that wonderful wave. I was thriving because I felt full, just by thinking, honoring and beginning to work in all of them. A rush of energy run through me from morning to late evenings, my mind was focus and I was joyous.

On the other hand, there was a voice that was already questioning some of my great proposals. Are you sure you want to do that this year? It is not going to be easy you know? And most important it might distract you from other more important items on your list, sure you want to go ahead with it?

While I clearly know that those are year long projects and that I do not need to complete them all in one week or month, I also know that if I do not do some kind of initial action on all of them they might be easily forgotten and I might pretend never committing to them for this year.  This is in fact some of the Coaching advices I have given to my clients that know work well.

I must admit that I have let myself carry for this second voice, and for the last 10 days I have postponed the beginning of some of those projects. Concretely I have postponed those that imply me working with others and which will demand stepping forward my comfort zone and dealing with certain amount of conflict and emotional uneasiness.

You know what happened right?

That which I was avoiding jump right into my face demanding my attention right away. A kind of, “your are not dealing with me, now problem here I come to you… and… ah, I come double size this time!”.

Still as this was screaming to my face there was a resistance in me to deal with it. Why me? Why now? Could not just everyone own their own shit and let me alone? Of course, blaming others always turns out to be more easy.

You see, one of my proposals for this year was: “I very much look forward to implement a wholehearted culture in our health club family business. A fascinating challenge!” One that demands my full capacities as a Coach to be online.

So as it is often the case, home is what is most messy. And I say this with knowledge that I am as well fully responsible for that.

Still I have a preference for being of support to alleviate suffering elsewhere, even though the “messes” are sometimes greater and more challenging. I jump in those situations, thriving to Coach and bring all of me forward to do that well. But they don’t tend to awaken as much emotional arousal as those that I have near.

Today though as I sensed in me the voice to let it go, to keep it for later, there was also present the other voice. It was remaining me how important that was for me to commit this year, and how by not attending it I was in a certain way sabotaging myself and my commitments to others.

You might wonder how I am sabotaging myself by keeping something for later, or not addressing it? After all this is just a small postponing...

I notice it in my energy levels and engagement in life also my clarity, focus and excitement all get diminish by keeping things out of sight but on my shoulders anyway. Because that is what happens, what we deny we carry with us.

So here I am now, being called to step forward imperatively. I didn’t want tension, and now I have it with more urgency to be dealt over the table.

It seems that finally this project will have his share of my time. If you are tuned, next post I will explain how to be addressing conflict, my case :) plus a practice for you!